As of April 1st, 2021, I will officially be an Associate Professor with tenure. Just writing that feels so weird and crazy and unlikely and exciting. I have some thoughts.
In the summer of 2007, when a job opportunity came up at Pitt in the newly formed CVR as Research Manager of the RBL, and I said to my husband “I want to move back to Pittsburgh.” He said ok. And we did it. I am forever thankful for this. Luke was only 9 months old.
I tell people all the time that I didn’t want to run my own lab and be a tenure-track faculty member. Why? I didn’t think I could do it. There weren’t very many examples of successful women faculty members with families (I am reminded of that saying: if you can’t see it, you can’t be it). I saw single, unmarried men come into this job and fail. If they failed, how could I possibly do it? My mind could not calculate it.
So I took an administrative job when I came back to Pitt. I am incredibly thankful for this opportunity that was presented to me. A lot of folks gave me a chance. I appreciate that more than can be expressed. I learned a lot with this new job, and it allowed me the ability to get my feet under me while my kids were young. Lots of stuff happened. Some good, some not good. Caroline was born in 2012. I kept going. I told myself that I’d keep going with this job until someone told me I couldn’t do it any longer, and then I’d figure something else out. So far, I’m still here.
Some combination of perseverance, working hard, and serendipity. Learning curve was and still is STEEP. Thankful for all those who tolerated my mistakes and helped me through it. You know who you are.
In addition to my husband, I have to thank my parents, my in-laws, our wonderful long-time nanny Martha, our kid’s preschool La Escuelita Arcoiris, and Falk Laboratory School - all of these loving family members and support people and institutions supported my family as I worked my way through. All of the conferences and meetings and grant review panels that my parents and in-laws helped with the kids. It truly DOES take a village. I love my village!
I’ve cried in my office on quite a few occasions.
All of my students and staff over the years - from Amy Caroline (my first MS student!) to my first staff members (Jacqui! Laura! Diana!) - thanks for helping me learn how to manage a research team. This is still a work in progress….Each and every one of them taught me something valuable. I remember them all.
I’m quite aware by this time of my strengths and weaknesses. I try to focus on improving the weaknesses, but its tough to teach an old dog new tricks.
Bottom line is that I like this job way more than I ever expected to. I didn’t think I’d love running a research lab. Its intimidating as hell. Writing grants and papers is (dare I say) kind of fun. I only wish I had more time to focus on those aspects and spend less time on paperwork and email.
Running a research program on emerging viruses during a global viral pandemic has been, well, interesting to say the least. 2020 seems like a blur - the March - July time period was the most intense time professionally and personally that I have ever experienced.
The Hartman Lab is in a great place right now. We have several exciting projects that are just getting started. I’m building the lab off of a great base that we’ve established the past few years. I am SO excited to see where these lead to. I have some awesome collaborators that are fun and fulfilling to work with. I want to keep working with good scientists and good human beings. Our new CVR leadership is taking us in a thrilling direction. The future is bright.
I hope to be able to get back in the lab more myself, even if its just to pipet liquids from one container to another. And even if I need to ask where everything is kept these days.
My kids are getting older now (Luke is starting high school in the fall - OMG) and life just feels different. Good different. Deep breath. Tears of joy.